Unfathomable Boredom

[Seven]

((Asila, if you are reading this, just know that I got extremely lazy, and since I loved this as an opening for Lanix, I've decided reuse it. Rojo....please don't kill me. Anyways, onto the rp!))


If you were to go walking, on a dark and foggy day, and happened to find yourself in a cemetery, you may very well be within the confines of an ancient vampire's magic-- a sealed barrier. You may very well wonder why or how exactly someone could 'accidentally' walk through a powerful barrier; let's just say this particular vampire is slightly eccentric. If you were to ask him, he'd tell you he enjoys company for evening tea and therefore doesn't reinforce his old magic very much.

In any case, if you managed to squirm yourself inside this vampire's sanctuary, you probably wouldn't take to the time to consider your situation as your breath would be taken away by the lovely, but dark mausoleum. Inside a classical mausoleum, you would see stairs that run parallel to all the walls and lead up to one plateau--on top of which lays a cherrywood coffin....Shall we, dear visitor, take a look?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"AH---awwwwnnnn....." the vampire yawned--loudly of course, just as everything he did was. He stretched, his eyes still only half opened. As nice as it would be to stay in his coffin, he knew he couldn't let laziness overcome him.

....scratch that--he does, rolling over and internally telling the world it can go to hell for the next couple hours, until he wakes up of course....
Almost by fate, his movement causes his coffin to unceremoniously roll the pedestal. You can imagine it's a bumpy ride--the vampire's eyes shooting straight open and then swirling with dizziness. It doesn't end there, as soon as he hits the bottom, his coffin door swings open and he falls out landing flat on his face.

He lays there, sympathizing with himself and large, almost cartoonish tears flood out like a from faucet of running water, "Why does everything happen to me?" he says in a whiny tone, over dramatic tone.

Faster than someone could see, he's suddenly off the floor, and is looking down at his coffin, as if complaining to it, "WELL, fine FINE! I'm up already!" he says, his voice with a bit of an accent or lisp of some sort. "I swear...." he continues in a non-chaleunt tone, brushing the dust off his lovely Edwardian era suit.

He sighs, looking around his dark home, "Huh--now that I'm up, what am I going to do?" he reverts back to his whiny tone--as if this world isn't good enough for him and his flamboyant character.
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Yes, if you were to meet Lanix, you'd probably soon come to the terms that he is strange and eccentric. Not just as a vampire, but a person in general. He'd probably annoy you to wits end with his perpetual and idiotic optimisum and logic that doesn't make sense. Even if you were to smack him a few times that wouldn't discourage him, as he probably has a very high tolerance to pain at this point. Unfortunately, dear Lanix is all alone--so less someone happens to wander into his domain, we may never have the chance to be annoyed by this giddy and colorful vampire.

And what a shame that would be.

[Rojo]

High, high, high above the cemetery, the wind is freezing, and the grayish clouds are moving slowly across the blackened sky. Let us take a closer look- or listen, my fair and lucky reader, and see what we may find...
A loud cackling howls through the night air, and a sudden force of wind blows past our carefully spotting point. The clouds swirl and squirm away from this invisible cackler, as if afraid of the mirth of this unseen creature- whatever it may be.

Let us look closer, fair and lucky reader, and see what we can see...
The djin let forth a burst of mirth again, the wind whipping around his prescence. A shapless and invisible thing, moving across the sky with speed, daring the night to make even a noise in return. Then it stops. It looks down, squinting without eyes far far far below, to the mausoleum, where he can feel a small prickling of magic.
Mortals! he thinks with glee what fun I shall have tonight! and with another great whoop of glee, the shapeless and invisible thing soaring down, down, down until it reaches the barrier, pausing. The genie turns itself into a hammer, and smashes the barrier quite lightly. It shatters quite easily against the djin's will, but as he floats into the mausolem, he makes sure to put the shield carefully back up, its very low power the same it was before.

Now, take a step, fair and lucky reader, into the home of a vampire, where a battle of wits is about to take place...that or the genie will turn the vampire into a microscope.

A young man with fair silver hair and deep dark blue eyes steps into the mausoleum, he is about average height, and is wearing a black tuxedo suit, with shiny black shoes. Formal, it would seem. But this is still our wicked djin, and he plans to have some fun tonight...

"Hello there," He calls, applying a British accent "is anyone up there?" He takes no notice of the architecture of the place, he has seen far greater things, and those didn't impress him, either.

Let us take a seat, fair and lucky reader, for things are afoot tonight...

[Seven]

At the cracking of Lanix's barrier, a small tremor runs through the stone floor. Lanix ears perk up just slightly, his gaze shifting to where the hammer sounded as he listens for noise. A book falls off its shelf, bouncing off the vampire's head (to his surprise) before pages flying off in various directions. Lanix turns for just a moment to the book, rubbing his head discontentedly, but immediately spins back around when the voice calls from across the room.

The vampire grins widely like a child upon seeing Santa, hands clasped together, before slipping out of the darkness and into sight's view, his cape fluttering just moments behind him. Still smiling, he cranes his neck forward, then turns his head horizontally, as if inspecting the newcomer quite closer. Then he slowly pulls back, right hand coming to his chin as his lips purse and his brow furrows, now obviously in deep thought.

And then, quite suddenly, he returns back to his bright and sunny cheerful grin, clapping his hands together quite loudly.

"I know who you are!" he declares brazenly. "You..." he suddenly grasps his hands instead of holding onto his own, "must have seen my ad and come to be my new dance partner!" he ends merrily, but then even more suddenly pulls the stranger into tango form. "Adelante, arrastre, colgada! Ha ha" he grins chiperly, literally dragging the poor fellow across the floor , then thrusting him out into a sudden spin and forgetting to go and catch him.

Lanix bites his lip as he watches what he feels might be an inevitable and noisy collision of the djin with an unfortunately placed vanity set. Whether or not Tir actually does collide though is of no importance--Lanix was already preparing his martyrdom speech of the how pathetically sad he was, how he'd never amount to anything for being such a poor lead. He would have conveyed his newest grievance with such utter agony and sincerity he might have made fangirls at the global scale weep. Would have, had he not been distracted by something new again.

"Augh--I bit my lip!" His eyes immediately well up with chibi like tears. His finger goes towards his mouth to wipe away the single drop of blood caused by his long fangs, when he experimentally tastes it. His eyes shift to the ceiling, once again in a state if thought. Finally, he concludes quite calmly, "Hm...I taste delicious...."

And then, once again denying Tir a chance to speak (as anything Tir might have tried to say prior would have been constantly cut off immediately as well), Lanix goes back to his merry, broad-as-a-Cheshire-Cat grin with his eyes closed, hands folded properly behind his back, and leaning (perhaps rocking slightly) forward. "How rude and ungracious of me. I am Lanix, and you might be?"

[Rojo]

The genie was suprised by the sudden gripping and the dragging of his fleshy form along the ground before being flung into the vanity set. There was a loud crashing noise, a large puff of a pink something (most likely makeup) and the young man reappeared, his face coated in makeup, his eyelashes strung out and red lipstick all over his mouth along with matching rosy cheeks.
His voice changed abrutply to a loud, cheesy voice usually found in wrestling matches.
"He's the one....The Only...The most cosmic being in the whole world...he'ssssssssss TIR!"
Cheering suddenly filled the masoluem, and confetti tumbled down from somewhwere above onto the man, who's face was now suspiciously clear.

His voice changed back to its original volume, tone and depth.
He placed a finger to his lip and tapped it sarcastically, muttering.
"Lanix...Lanix...nope, doesn't wring a bell,"
He clicked his fingers, and a book fell out of the air with a puff of smoke; it was blue, with golden bindings, and in big yellow letters on the front it said: WHO'S WHO, THE COSMIC EDITION.
Tir caught it in one hand and whipped some smart glasses out of his pocket, he opened the book to a random page and started scrolling down with a finger. He stopped and tapped a name, then began reading wordlessly. He paused, stopping on something.
"That's Latin, is it?" He said, referring to the Vampires real name, but before he got an answer, he ploughed on, reading more into this "mortal" he winced and looked away once or twice to say "That's your mother?" and "Really? With your cousin? That's sick!" He stopped again, his eyebrows rising slightly "Oh, you're a mosquito, are you? Well that's no fun! Wooden stake, poof, you're dead." He seemed thoroughly put out, and glared at the vampire as if it was his fault his japes would have hardly any effect on him. He tossed the book and glasses over his shoulder and hunched his shoulders, which somehow rised above his head, as though he were a cartoon.

[Seven]

Lanix continued to smile all the while, even while being called a mosquito who'd be easy enough to just swat out of existence. Since Tir had been thrown away from him, and was now across the mausoleum, rather than walk over, Lanix decided to shadow jump to reappear out of the darkness at Tir's side. It was just a cheap vampire trick anyone over the age of 100 could do, but Lanix wasn't doing it trying to 'brag' or something, he just figured it would be faster and smoother.

Lanix looked him over once more, almost trying to stifle his wide grin. Instead he took a few slow steps behind the djin, his voice mellow and soft, yet still with the same pleasant tonality to it. "Oh please forgive me for being so pathetically disappointing." Whether or not this was his true sincerity was indecipherable. His cold hands came gently down on Tir's shoulders, as if trying to coax them down from their anatomically impossible height with a light massage. He tries to look quite serious, though even then he looks just slightly absurd.

"I know, I know--there's just so many of us damn leeches. But what can I say? One cannot help what they are, no?" Lanix's fangs glint in the light when his smile broadens again. His left hand goes back down to his side as right one refrains from massaging. Instead, he makes the motion of walking across Tir's shoulders with his middle and pointer finger. "But surely an all powerful, cosmic being, such as yourself, knows all about this--and realized immediately that I gave you a false name."

Lanix waltzes around back to the front of Tir. He smiles with his lips closed, tilting his head to the left in observation. "Hm..." He suddenly drops his slightly serious tone as he goes back to his hyper grin and clasps his hands together with a loud clap. "I HAVE to say, you look absolutely darling my Sweet! That makeup makes you look just like a porcelain doll of 17th century fop! I could just take up taxidermy and stuff you so I could keep you as a doll in my coffin! Oh! I know what you're missing! You need the wig!" He runs out and comes back in a flash with a huge Victorian white curly wig. He sloppily dumps it on Tir's head, and then comes up into his personal space to start rearranging it. Once he finally deems it finished, clasps his hands together. "There! Now you look just magnificent! Why, I'm already getting a feeling of deja vu! Now how about some tea and crumpets?"

[Rojo]

"Yes, you should be!" Replied the djin huffily at the vampire's apology, but his shoulders slowly returned to normal height. There was no fun to be had here, so he slowly began to walk towards the door, but then a large powdered wig was dumped on his head. Well, his fleshy disguise's head.

The wig turned into a stick of dynamite and the djin pulled it off his head, blew on the wick (which caused it to light rather than put out) and tossed it towards what was left of the vanity set. Then casually as ever, as if there wasn't a bomb in the room asked Lanix,
"You live here all by yourself?"

Then the explosive went off.

[Seven]

The vampire was covered in black soot from head to toe. Only the whites of his eyes created contrast. Other than that, he's unscratched, making him look quite comical, like a cartoon character. He blinks with a look of curiosity on his face. "Tell me, do you always bomb people's home when their inviting you tea? Or..." he gets a sly grin on his face, and the soot is suddenly all shaken off, "...are you trying to...compensate for something?"

[Rojo]

"Yes, I usually do blow up people's houses when they invite me to tea, then I turn their skeletons into paper mache," he paused to grin "as for compensating for something...I can make it any size I wish!"
Suddenly Lanix would be pushed against the wall by something very large and fleshy, then normality was resumed and there stood Tir, inspecting his nails.

"See?" He said, then he casually brushed a piece of soot off his tuxedo. Part of the wall where the dynamite had exploded collapsed in an embarressed sort of way, like an overweight person at a dinner party who has just had their belt burst.

[Seven]

Lanix abruptly spins around, head tilted slightly down, one hand on either cheek as he blushes faintly like a shy girl.
"Oh, you're so forceful!" he says in a slightly higher intonation. "And you are certainly forward! But I usually don't sleep with men on our first date."

[Rojo]

"And I usually kill people on a first date, so you should consider yourself lucky!" The genie laughed loudly, then decided to make around twenty-three (give or take) large shards of glass appear above both their heads.

He smiled formally.
"So...how's your mother? Nice? Cavern-like, I suspect...."

Then the glass started to fall...

[Seven]

A few moments later, Lanix and his beautiful suit are covered with cuts. He blinks, unaffected as his body automatically begins to heal itself. Suddenly, he frowns, putting his hands on his hips like a nagging mother. "Hey! You're trying to kill me, aren't you?" He mumbles something about 'that's not very nice' beneath his breath in a childish way.

"Besides, I'll have you know that I'm already mostly dead." He looks down at his tattered cape, swishing it about for a minute. "Hmm....not a bad look though. I kind of feel like one of those ship-wrecked heroes, left all along on a deserted island." Suddenly, a paper backdrop comes down behind Lanix and the limelight focuses on him. He throws himself on the sand that really wasn't there a minute again, coughing up sea-water.

"How now, should I know what be'comst of my fate? Wherefore I tossed and turned upon the galliasse, then fare'd to be turned and tossed upon the open sea. I gyve and sway. Oh great justicer, from whence thou come, make onto me a lag, a hack in thy noble estate, but I art longly for cold embrace. Aroint the spirit but ne'r the salted meat. The leeman, raging giglot, unkindly sea, jut upon the galliasse, and took from the mother's breast, and stuffed red stockings, and took my kindred away from me! Mine eyes shall gust the blood 'twas lost forev'r more at sea.

I know say my l'envoy....perchance I shall greet thee anon....You'll see."
Lanix's head falls dramatically to the ground and the lights go black. The soliloquy ends


Abruptly, all the staging is gone and Lanix reappears in a new outfit. "My mother? I must assume she is well and dead by now. Though you do seem to be quite taken by her, considering the way you continue to bring her up in conversation, ole chap. Eh?" He nudges him with his elbow. He suddenly goes to a pish-posh voice. "Hark now! You've mixed sugar and salt with her, you sly gib!" He proceeds to laugh like Naga the Serpent would.*


((* If you know who Naga the Serpent is, I now love you forever.))

[Rojo]

((Serpent-man who lives in the sea, common Indian Mythology, I think, if my dictionary is correct))

Tir throws a tomato after the end of the short play, which bursts into acid, burning holes in the floor luckily only a few inches from Lanix.
"Damn...missed..." He mutters under his breath, then he sets the paper background alight for dramatic effect.

"Yes, well, one night and one more time, as they say..." he shrugged when Lanix brought up the mother topic. The genie hummed a few more lines of the song under his breath, then continued "well, one night in a dirty children's park...a bottle of champagne, some dinosaur-aged woman with vampiric offspring and ooh, the regret."

He quickly materilised a small stage upon a box and knelt behind it, then poked his hands through, which turned into puppets.
"Hello!" said one puppet; it had a rather victorian vibe about it, and its voice was rather low.
"Hello!" said another puppet, this one was female and had a higher voice.
"Romeo and Juilet in thirty seconds!" They said in unison.
"Hello."
"Hello!"
"I love you!"
"I love you too!"
"Nooo! My family hates yours!"
"Mine hates yours!"
At this time, a third puppet with a red scarf around his head came on with a banjo tied loosely to one hand and piped up the Banjo line from "Deliverance" before rushing off again.
"Curse this world! POISON!"
The little boy puppet fell over ridiculously and his eyes were replaced by "X"s.
"NOOOO! MA BOYFRIEND!"
The girl puppet falls over on the boy puppet, in a rather badkiss. Then she falls off him.
A new puppet comes on, in regal clothing and a rather dashing hat ((well, my mental image of it is!)). He pauses, stares at the dead girl, then turns to yell to someone off stage.
"HEY, ROJO, I FOUND A GIRL LIKE YOU!"
He then proceeds to drag the dead puppet off stage, then there is a large "OW!" to be heard.

"THE END!" Yells Tir, then the stage and puppets explode, parts of the poor dollsflying everywhere.
"And that's my show!"
((Deliverance is funneh, and I couldn't resist it, and yes, I do thin Devon's hat is dashing))

[Seven]

((I don't know if there are any references to Indian Mythology in Slayers, but otherwise no. The Naga the Serpent I was thinking of is a female character from an anime called Slayers. She wears an S&M outfit, is incredibly arrogant, and has the most recognizable laugh ever. It sounds kind of like a bird call.))

((HA! I KNEW that the last puppet with the hat was Devon!!! Am I good, or am I good?))

Lanix has big, chibi, teary eyes.
"...That...that is.....THAT'S SO SAD!!!! Oh how dreadful!!!!" He begins sobbing loudly and uncontrollably. He then abruptly stops, with absolutely no signs of having cried at all. "Then again, then they'd just be with Mistress Annwn. I wonder how my fair lady is doing anyhow...."

((You know, I think whenever I got to draw Devon, the hardest part is his hat. I know what it SHOULD look like (dashing, as you said), but I'm not good at drawing dashing hats, so I end up giving him a lame substitute usually. *cries* Rojo, if you ever find a picture of a dashing Devon-esque hat, please send me the link, so I can learn how to draw one....))

[Asila]

((Time to crash this party.

Rojo, just so you know Demon doesn't have a gender. As in he lacks a package of any sort. I just have Annwn call him a he because it's simpler than trying to say 'it' all the time.))

As though summoned by this reference to his mistress, the creature who served her, the Otherworld feline who she fondly called Demon, coalesced from the shadows like a monster surfacing from the gloomy depths of a dark pool. As he paced toward Lanix he seemed to flow instead of prowl, his pace so impossibly smooth he put the cats of Earth to shame. As he passed Lanix he brushed against his leg, an affectionate gesture of support for his favorite mortal.

Looking up, he grinned his impossible, unfathomable, Cheshire-cat grin. The one that could mean anything from "I've got you covered, friend," to " I think you would taste delicious."

Then he turned his acidic yellow-green gaze upon the djinn and as that wide grin narrowed into a toothy sneer of dislike, he shifted forms. Where a black cat large enough to match a lynx once stood there was now a three-headed apparition that resembled Cerberus if Cerberus were only as large as a pony and based off of a lion instead of a dog. To complete the effect, Demon had chosen a dramatically spiked collar to encircle all three of his necks and a bright silver chain seemed to unwind from some hidden chamber in each collar to place themselves in the hand of Lanix.

Demon was playing guard-dog. He even went so far as to let out a calm (despite mischevious overtones) "Woof." But the odd thing was that he didn't bark. He actually ennunciated the word in a disconcerting voice that had all the rich, resonant tenor of the most mesmerizing masculine voice as well as the beautiful, bell-like chime that only the purist feminine voices could match. It was as though those two voices over-lapped each other when he spoke, but with such clarity that it was easy to pick out the tones of either one. Somehow they didn't blend together even though they traced the same syllables at the exact same time.

The odd thing was that, even in all the time they spent together during their last adventure, the cat had never spoken once. His reasons for choosing to speak now were as impossible to decipher as his unusual grin.

[Rojo]

Tir squeals in mock delight at the sudden appearance of a cat that turns into a lion-dog...erm, thing with three heads.
"Do a trick and I'll give you a treat," he bends down and pats his knees in a patronizing way.
"What's that Lassie? Four of them? In the old Warehouse? Go get 'em, girl!"
The djin stood back up again, and began humming 'how much is that doggie in the window?' under his breath. Then he proceeded to stare at a section of wall, which turned into a potted plant, and most of the rest of the wall collapsed as well.

The genie yawned, amid the holes in the floor and ceiling that he had caused. He was sorrily bored with this mortal and his pet, so he decided to turn the dog into a tiny poodle with a pink collar with the word "Fu-fu" ebroidered lovingly on it in gold letters.