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[Asila]

I feel that your dream needs a reply to emphasize how great it is. ;D It rocked! It's funny that your mom would so candidly comment on how cute he is and ask you so quickly whether or not you're dating him. And that seen in the bathtub was hilarious! You evil, conniving girl! And poor Molly, having to put up with you!

As for my habits as a kid, I didn't really get into trouble all that much. I was really quiet and laid back. It actually took quite a bit to tick me off, though my sister, like yours, has mastered the ability. And I was also oblivious to being made fun of, more often than not. But I knew immediately when other people were being made fun of, or teased, or bullied, and it made me angry. I once chased down a boy my age when he took five dollars from a girl I happened to be walking past and ran off with it. He ended up stopping and throwing it at me before running off again. *grins* It was kind of funny, because I remember looking at this girl when that kid first took her money with a "Well? Go get it!" expression on my face before I took off after him myself. I knew full well that the girls where just as strong as the boys at that age and didn't understand why everyone else didn't know it. It all seemed so obvious to me.

And god help the individual who messed with my friends. People didn't do so very often. I think people were creeped out by the fact that I would jump them even if I didn't look angry. My expression was almost always neutral, even when I was angry, so I was difficult to predict. But I only got in trouble at school on those rare occasions when I wound up feeling cornered, threatened, or attacked, because I did not react well to those circumstances and I wasn't good enough at expressing myself to explain why I acted as I did.

As for my sister...we have a genuine love/hate relationship. We always have. Or at least there's some genuine love on my side. Errika's only nice to me when she wants something. Either way, even though I want to kill her more often than not, I would also kill for her. I don't understand this loyalty at all, but I think it's because she was the only person who sympathized with me when we moved. Mostly because she was in the same boat that I was in. She was kind of a double agent, sucking up to my mother and her husband when doing so allowed her to gain something, but she was all I had. And I'm eternally loyal to a comrade in battle, even if that comrade proved herself a turn-coat on occasion.

[Seven]

Yeah...That's my mom for you. Very open when it comes to commenting how cute a boy is and the like. Usually it's my sister who has to deal with such issues (as I don't ever bring boys home ), but I know it's only a matter of time. *shudders* I mean, she does it to complete strangers half the time, like waiters or service-help people...
And yes, I am evil. Especially in that dream. Pure evil. *grins wryly* Though I did wake up feeling bad for Molly (but he looked so gosh-darn-cute when he's angry, donch ya know? Maybe it was my dream-self's motivation for getting him upset, lol.)

Hehe...You sound like you were a pretty cool kid! I wish I had been that awesome. I just smiled stupidly at everyone I met and tried to ignore the fact that they were pretty much laughing at me to my face. I did end up playing with the boys more often than not, since the girl-games all sucked. They wanted me to play house, House of all things! I never liked dolls, nor never understood the appeal of playing a game that revolved around future work! (Yes, I was having these thoughts at my young age). I generally tried to go along with it out of niceness and the desire to have friends (considering that if the girls were LETTING me play house with them, it was a good day...). I hated that game. *shudder* They always wanted me to be the mother, and them the children, just so they could act obnoxiously to me.

If I could've, i would've been playing with the boys more often. Except that the other girls would then spread those damn "so and so likes so and so" rumors. I hated those beyond all comparison! That, and even if I liked boy games more, i wasn't really all to strong or fast...and I got sick super easily....In fact, I just sort of sucked at physical anything.

As for me, I didn't really have friends to defend. So it was never a problem. *shrugs*

*sighs* Same here...AGAIN. My sister loves you as long as she's getting what she wants. But I really do feel I'm beginning to starting to not feel anything towards her. Not love, not hate. Just indifference. It's really sad to me though. I don't mind if my sister ever says cruel things against me, I can handle it. Offenses don't bother me. I got angry when she starts harassing our mother. I get angry when she starts treating our mother like her maid, how she offends her, how she somehow thinks that she's entitled to everything my mom and I own, and how she comes every week needing more money (not so much the needing money in itself, just that she'll act all nice up until she gets the money, and then returns to being a bitch, forgetting how my mom just sacrificed for her.) And that's why I can't stand her. It's like she lives just to make my mother unhappy!

[Asila]

((Whoops. Long post. Sorry, I was just thinking, and remembering how much more functional my way of dealing with the world was when I was young made me feel peaceful. Don't kill me?))

My mom used to do the same thing, but she just gave me the impression of a gossip. Even back when I loved her and didn't analyze people as often as I do now. I sensed that, if she found out that I was dating one of the guys I was hanging out with, she'd blab it to the rest of the family. But does your mom really interrogate male strangers? Really really? *giggles* I mean, You poor thing! Seriously, though, I would be so embarrassed!

Oh yeah, I definitely think that Molly is at his most charming when he's angry. He's so intense, it makes him cool. We need more men like him in this world. *grins*

And I don't know if I was cool. I certainly wasn't popular. But being cool and popular are two different things, aren't they? I used to drift from one group of friends to another all the time in early elementary school, so I was probably friends with almost everyone at some point. But I didn't take friendship too seriously until Renae/Jordan adopted me. Then I was her friend ever since, and we just kept sucking more people into our group. It worked, because Jordan is friendly and consistent, I was just over-protective and a bit fierce. And so Milton's outcasts ended up banding together and gaining power. Jut call me Body Guard.

*grins* It really wasn't that cool. At least, it never seemed like it. I was just loyal to my friends and did whatever I felt I had to do to protect them and maintain the peace. I think I have a pack mentality. Maybe I was a wolf in a past life? You never know. Either way, I need to open up a bit more and make more friends. I'm happiest when I have a large group of friends, like I did when I was a freshman in high school. Lone wolves are rare and not very successful in the wild. Maybe I'm the same way, and so not nearly as functional and happy when I'm reclusive as I would be if I were social.

It sounds like you had a miserable school life, though. I couldn't imagine. I was hardly ever teased. Hell, my social sister was teased more often and made more enemies than I ever did. But I think that being slightly spacey and oblivious worked in my favor, because I would just walk into any game I wanted to participate in and ignore any individual who had a problem with me. I just didn't pay attention to them. Thank god. Awareness is the enemy.

Well, I shouldn't say that. If I wasn't aware, my thoughts never would have begun to develop, and I wouldn't be able to write the way I can now. Can't have the good without the bad.

But I always loved playing games with the guys, too. Every once in a while I would play house with the girls, because I was up for anything. I spent a lot of time in day care as a kid, so I would take any source of amusement that I could get. But I would definitely rather play Legos with the guys than House with the girls. My favorite game was tag, though. I always loved to play with the guys over the girls, because the guys were the challenge. The girls just couldn't catch me. *sighs* I love running. But only for fun. Jogging just seems like a chore, and track and field had seemed the same way. If only I could just randomly sprint to my car and back whenever I arrive and leave the college. But then I'd look silly. And I hate looking silly. And my backpack weighs a ton. But tag was my all time favorite game, and still would be if I could just find people immature enough to play it with me!

It's funny that you were aware that house was just like future work. I never did put two and two together on that one. But I wasn't exactly famous for my intelligence when I was young. I just thought it was a boring game that was only worth playing on those rare occasions that there was nothing else to do, and that was that.

Hmm, I was really energetic when I was young. And strong enough to beat the crap out of Marc. And fast enough to outrun all but the fastest guys. Man, those were the days! I thought I could do anything. It would have been nice to have known you, though. Then I could have had a best friend. Marc was my best friend for a while, but he ended up thinking that hanging out with girls wasn't cool at the same time all the other boys did. And then I just never had another really close friend. Only the ones that I talked to at school, but we never really did anything outside of it.

As for your sister, I'm beginning to think that she's a carbon copy of mine! Except Errika does to my grandparents what your sister does to your mother. But thank god that my grandparents are outspoken and unwilling to put up with her crap. They're strong people, and not exactly the doting parent type. Not to say that they don't love us, they're just harsher and have no problem telling you what they think is wrong with you. It drove me nuts at first, but I understand them better now and I'm slowly getting used to it. But I remember, when we first moved in and my sister was really disrespectful, I got angry, too. Honestly, when we had nowhere else to go, they took us in. That girl should show some respect. Errika also likes to act as though she owns the house and everything in it. I actually got in the first fist fight I'd had since childhood with her over this tendency. My stuff. No touchy.

It's funny how similar our sisters are, though. And I bet they'd hate each other if they met. People like them can never stand other people like them. In relationships of all sorts, someone has to give a little, to be sympathetic and understanding. And if no one is, it just doesn't work. But I don't think people like them ever form close, lasting friendships, because who on the face of the planet will willingly put up with that kind of crap? No one I know.

[Seven]

My mom is literally a loud mouth. She'll jump on the opportunity to tell anyone her life story. I mean ANYONE! I remember one time I was doing grocery shopping with her in Dominick's and we ended up delayed an hour because she stopped to tell the deli people her tragic divorce and how she was swindled. XD. Sometimes I get annoyed by that, but I feel strangely proud of her too. The fact that she's always so open and candid and honest. She's rather funny too....sort of in the way you might find a little old lady wielding a rolling pin as a weapon funny.
*sighs* Which is why I usually end up sad lately. My mom, with all her stress, has been becoming depressed lately, riddling me with constant guilt and the like...

Anyways, to answer your question, yes, she does. Not just males either, (though oddly it is generally males, like she wants to play matchmaker or something with the poor guys and either my sister or myself), but with anyone she happens to cross paths with. But I think my mom has a strange sort of humble charisma to her, since no one ever seems mind, and usually end up giving us (or rather her, in which case my sister/I just mooch off of ) free stuff in the end. I can think of one funny incident with a guy right off the bat. I wasn't there, but she called me one day all excitedly telling me that she had gone garage sale-ing and stopped at this large house/mansion. Apparently, she thought one of the boys who lived in the house was especially charming (his name is Andrea) and she proceeded to tell him how handsome he is and how beautiful his voice is....and immediately followed it up with "i have two daughters--how would you like to meet them?"

Now, you'd think that he'd walk away with the impression that she's crazy, but instead he ends up saying, "Really? You're serious?" (and of course my mom was), and he ends up hugging her and saying he'd be happy too. Which leads me to believe that a lot more people crazy people in the world than we think, or my mom somehow hypnotizes people. *shrugs* I may never know....

You are cool, stop denying it. In fact, I think i'm just going to make you my idol of "coolness" and worship you from now on. Who knows--maybe you'll be benevolent enough to rain "coolness" down upon your humble servant. So do tell me, what sort of sacrificial offerings do you like best? Can you endow physical strength along with coolness, or do I need to set up a second shrine to you if I want that as well? XD

Yeah....whenever you started talking about your sister, I usually start remembering mine. Even my sister has this weird implicit racism in her, though she fails to realize it. That, and she seems to be ashamed of the fact that we're half-Mexican, and usually gives my poor mom a hard time about it, saying she wished she had a cool, beautiful American mom and pretty sister. *bleh*
I can't believe one of my life goals is to make enough money to support her, since I know she'll never manage surviving on her own....

[Asila]

You're mom is crazy, but yeah, she does sound like a fun parent, overall. It's just too bad that she's been depressed lately. As for Andrea...did he ever show up? ;D

*grins* You don't want my brand of "coolness". Trust me. But, should you remain convinced that you want to be "blessed" with such coolness, I accept rich-selfish-bastard-that-needs-to-give-back-to-society sacrifices. *grins again*

But I think your sister is the bigger jerk. How could she turn her back on her heritage? That's so shallow! In fact, I wish I was less of a mutt so that I could have roots somewhere, besides here. Not that I don't like America, but it would be cool to have some claim to another country. Besides, if you were as beautiful as -place some admired actress' name here- she would only be jealous. She doesn't even seem to know what she wants. I think she's just convinced that she'd be happier if she had everything that she doesn't.

[Seven]

Yeah, Andrea did show up. He met my older sister though, as I've been away at school. Though apparently, after meeting my sister, he claimed to be gay. XD

Damnit! I'm all out. Can you take Salzars instead? They're selfish bastards, but not rich.

*sighs* I know, but at the same time, I know that my sister has lived a very difficult life, which sort of justifies the way she is now....
I just feel really torn. Like you, I feel loyalty to my sister. But at the same time, I usually end up hating her. But then I just feel guilty for not being a better sister. It's just so frustrating!
But yeah, if I were prettier, she'd be jealous. She's already admitted to being jealous of me for making all the right decisions and living a happy life--so it's like she feels the only one up she has on me is the fact that she's always been prettier than me. If I suddenly became pretty, she'd really hate me.

[Asila]

Nice.

Salzars? *is confused* The only Salzar I know is your left hand...


I shouldn't have said those things about your sister. I'm sorry. I just got annoyed. But at the same time, I've always thought that having a difficult life is no excuse to be a jerk. In fact, it should be a reason for wanting to be a good person. To do your part to make sure that other people don't suffer as you have suffered. I get really passionate about this, because I've been around so many people who do unkind, self-centered things because they had to endure the same. Kind of like people who just say "well, life isn't fair" when you comment on unfairness. I used to get so angry when I heard that! Sure, life as a general rule isn't fair, but if you have the power to make one small thing fair you should do so! Ugh! I heard that freakin' phrase so often as a kid! *seethes*

Ignore me. It's just something that's bothered me throughout me life. I don't mean to get so crazy over it.

[Seven]

Yes...well...there was one...but then I got bored...And decided to experiment on him. *opens a latch and about a hundred Salzar-clones fall out*

No, don't apologize. For one, I'm not offended, second, your right, and third it's nice to know someone's on my side. I usually feel like a terrible person because I go to my mother and tell her she shouldn't see my sister anymore because she's so vicious. In the end, I think it's my mom who's the saint--she's the one most hurt by my sister, yet she's always the first one to forgive her. I renounced my sister at least several times, and it's only been my mother who has convinced me to forgive her again because she's my family. I just feel very much at odds with myself, and unsure what to do. On one hand, my sister has wanted "family" her whole life, and she scorns our family for not being "function" like other American familes. Yet the contradiction in her is that my mom and I are trying to be a functional family, but only become dysfunctional because she always makes a big deal out of everything in her anger. As for my sister's attitude...well...she feels because her life has been so unfair, she deserves to be compensated or something. She constantly blames my mother for her life going wrong, which isn't fair at all. She justifies her wickedness by saying it's only what she deserves. She takes it to an extreme now eve--saying how had I not been born, her life would have been better as well. She blames my mom for getting a divorce from her husband and "destroying" her life, even though it was my mom's husband who was violent and abusive. She wants everyone to sacrifice for her now.

[Asila]

Aw, look at all the Salzars! *picks one up* Can I keep him?

*seething intensifies* That is so wrong. That is so freakin' wrong. I wish I could be around you and your family as often as I was around Jamie. So that I could see this behavior when it happened and be there to step in and give her a piece of my mind. What American family is functional? I know there are some but they are the minority. Sixty percent of all American children are from divorced families. And I'm not even sure if that statistic includes kids like the one I was, whose parents were never married in the first place. And seventy-two percent of American homes harbor someone with an addiction. You know what? I wish she had an 'average American family'. Things could only get worse. Jeez, I want to get into a "Whose Life Is Worse" competition with her. I bet I could blow her out of the water. But then I'd wind up feeling stupid, petty, and whiny, so I guess it's not worth it. But did her mother threaten to smash her face in with a cowbell? I don't think so. And, trust me, I could go on. The cowbell thing seems funny compared to the rest. You know what I was armed with? A rain stick. A rain stick! If she wants an American family so bad, she can have mine. And if she wants a 'pretty sister' she can have mine, as well. The guys just love Errika. And I would love to be in her shoes, because then I would have you for a sister.

*stalks around room* That fool. That stupid, whiny fool. She doesn't know. She just doesn't know how much worse things can get. Dear god, do you know how many people I've met whose lives were worse than mine? I'm not that unusual in my ill luck. Not really. I've met people who've had it worse. My cousin Marc was physically abused by his step-dad (and he considers his step-dad to be his real father and loves him despite it all) I have second cousins who were molested as children, my Grandma P. had an alcoholic for a father who was enough of a bastard that he died fearing the fire of hell, who beat her mother, and the whole family was dirt poor. My grandma only had two outfits and didn't even have deoderant until some kid sent her some in the mail. I talked to one boy whose father had thrown a knife at him, and there are still others. So many others. There is so much darkness in this world, so much that it is the only thing I trust to be consistent, and she is whining about her ill luck? She is blind! She can not recognize true darkness, and so she will never see the light.

*shakes head* And you and your mother are trying to be functional. You are actually trying. I wished I had that, once. I tried so often to reach out to my mother, but she had only slung her hatred and misery at me. I would try to talk things through, and she would latch onto some difficulty we'd had along the way, hell, a lot more than just one, and refuse to let it go. I would try so hard to be positive, I would even try to counsel her through her problems when I had so much emotional baggage of my own to weigh me down. But it hadn't been enough. It had never been enough. And your sister has a mother that is willing to work with her. I am absolutely outraged that she can not accept that as the blessing that it is! There are so few people in this world who are willing to reason, to take the time to try and talk to someone else, and she is complaining when she has been so blessed? *snarls* Some day, we will meet. And soon after, if not on that very day, she will show me this side of what she is. And I will make her realize how ungrateful she has been all along. Let the day come. I would meet it with a smile. *continues to pace. Then abruptly leaves for Dust thread.*

[Seven]

*salzar struggling*
Sure! Go right ahead! *salzar freezes, then flicks off Seven*
Aww, isn't that precious?

*sighs* The first time I read your post, I was about to start typing something along the lines of, "Oh please, don't judge my sister so harshly, she's had a very bad life," when I stopped and realized I'm doing exactly as my mother would. I usually feel about as angry towards her as you are whenever my mom gets hurt by her, and whenever I tell my mom how I feel, she immediately sticks up for her, telling me to be kinder to her. *ironic grin* And now I'm having the same notions. *sighs* You see, I don't really know what to think anymore. My sister has had a pretty awful life, and she's suffered a lot, and whenever I try to denounce her, I feel terrible and guilty for thinking such thoughts against my own sister, who has endured so much. My mother always feels that my sister became the way she is because my father was such a bastard. (If you'd like, I could PM you some of the stuff that happened in our family. I was originally going to include it here, but I didn't want it on the open web.) And sometimes I feel like she really is trying to change and be better...but she's so nuts! And so cruel. On one hand, I feel like I can't help my disdain for her, and that my disdain is justified. On the other, I feel it's not justified in the least and I'm the terrible person for even thinking such things. It feels like whenever I tell my mother how much I never want to see her again, she immediately bounds up from nowhere, and without having heard what I just said, does something nice and loving. And then the other half of the time, she'll come trying to be 'family-like,' and the whole affair will end with me having to call the police on her.

*sighs* It just feels like such a mess. It's almost like I don't really care whether or not she loves me or not, just that I'd like it to be clear-cut enough that I could either choose to love her or hate her and be done with it!

[Asila]

*huggles Salzar* He's so charming!

I can be very proud and very judgmental. I try to watch these tendencies closely, because I don't want to become arrogant. Since my confidence and self-esteem are kind of shot, this isn't that hard. But the potential is there. *shakes head* Yet I have faith in my ability to read people. Especially since I am right far more often than I'm wrong, and on those rare instances that I'm wrong I was on the right track and just chose the wrong angle. Every once in a while I will hear my grandma exclaim "Oh, how awful! How could she do something like that?" while watching the Dr. Phil show, and I'll walk downstairs, listen to the show for a minute or two, tell my grandma why people like that do the terrible things they do, and walk away while she stares at me in amazement. I understand the inherent selfishness in people and the way it manifests itself so well, but my understanding doesn't make me calmer. It only makes me angrier, because their reasons are so small-minded, so petty, so self-centered, and there is just no excuse for that. There's not.

*shakes head* I had considered going into some field of psychology, but when I took a psychology course I had an awful professor who kind of wrecked it for me. It was bad enough that I actually dropped out of the course, and I can put up with quite a bit from a professor. But she was just awful. Her assignments were so dull and mundane that I couldn't stand them. We would spend a week studying study habits. I don't care about my study habits. Obviously. There is so much more I'm interested in! Like the underlying theories in the field! But everything she did was so dull. And she is the only professor at the school who teaches this subject!

If you want, you can send me some of the stuff over pm. I'm just going to warn you that your explanation may not make me any more charitable. Though I would really like to hear about it...

As for your relationship with your sister, I don't know what to say. Like a said before, my sister and I have a love/hate relationship. Somehow we seem to do both simultaneously, and we have throughout our youth. We'll be best friends one hour and mortal enemies the next, and that's just the way it's always been. It's just good ol' sibling rivalry. *shrugs* I don't know what else to say. I don't really understand why I tolerate her at all. She was my ally for a little while when we moved, sure, but she was a terrible ally. And if she were anyone else, I'd hate her guts. But for some reason, I put up with her. I wish I knew how. Then I could give you some advice. But I really don't, so I really can't.

[Seven]

Ugh. It feels like everyday my mom is calling me in some depression caused by my sister. I can't take much more of it--it's driving me nuts! Even if I think "Oh, my poor sister has had a hard life," it doesn't change the fact that she's a bitch and I despise her 5/6ths of the time! She just doesn't know where to draw the line, she doesn't hold anything sacred, she doesn't respect anything or anyone, the only devotions she's ever held are to her crack-pot boyfriends--just the thought of her drives me mad! *paces darkly* Yes, when it comes to my sister, it's not just that the bad outweighs the good, it's that the bad is raping and defiling the dead carcass of the good! *frowns* Even when she's being decent, the time we share is never all too happy or pleasureable. The two of us are too different, and even if we try to force ourselves to be together, I usually remain silent (we have nothing to talk about--are interests and opinions on everything are polar opposites) and she usually trades her time off with me for some unending conversation on her cell phone with some other idiot. That is, assuming she didn't bring the other dumb idiot with her. It seems she can't LIVE without a some boy attached to her hip. Even in childhood, that so much I remember. And our icy relationship isn't helped by the fact that she has an onslaught of other problems. I remember how one day this past summer, I finally allowed her to know that I had denounced her and never wished to see her again (or at least until she had rehabilitation for some of her problems). Of course, I suppose she regretted (she always regrets after the fact) and tried calling me a few times. When I finally answered, she had this apologetic tone, saying that she was sorry that how we, as sisters, could end up in such a state, sorry that she never really took the time to know me or give me the chance to know her, and that she wasn't calling to seek my forgiveness (out of shame or something), but she wanted me to understand her and where she was coming from. Her opening spiel had left me feeling pretty compassionate and regretting my harshness, so I permitted her to continue. But even then, when we were both striving to understand each other, and I striving to be as kind as compassionate as my mind allots me to be, we ended up 15 minutes later angry once more, me silently seething and her vulgarly cussing.

*sighs* Even if I try to love her, I don't feel there's much hope for us as sisters, much less friends, and I just tire of trying. I'm not sure how my mom continues to put up with it--she's allowed my sister and her boyfriend to move back into her house (and my bed *grimace*), despite the fact that she ends up calling me everyday in her sorrowful tone singing the same sad song about how mu sister is a complete nut-job.

As for my family history...*frowns slightly* I admit that I'd like to share it, though I know that reawakening such memories will be a bit perturbing for me. Oh well, perhaps it'll be nice to let someone know. My mother, dear thing that she is to me, places all her grievances and woes upon me in a daily occurrence, and I usually just keep all that pain locked up. Maybe it is good to let these dark thoughts go. But I shan't do it just yet, as I have to prepare for a midterm tomorrow and finish an essay. You'll probably receive it sometime on Monday night or Tuesday morning, if you'd still like to know.

[Asila]

Man, I am beginning to feel like an ass for complaining about my sister. Sure, she tears into me with her cruel words about my faults on far more than a rare occasion and punches me if I hug her, but since I will dig in my heels and snarl right back nearly as often, and I'm all for personal space so if I try to hug her then I'm just going out of my way to annoy her and kind of expect getting slammed in the ribs, things are relatively balanced between us. More or less. I still think that if I have to put up with her calling me her "big sissy", I should get to bug her with random, over-zealous hugs. She started calling me that when we were kids, just to annoy me. But everyone thinks it's cute now. See? There's the c-word again! But at least Errika and I have political views that seem to match up perfectly even if we don't share a hobby and like to spend our time in two completely different ways. She's not as bad as some. Which is a good thing, because if she were as bad as your sister, one of us would have ended up killing the other. And since I'm the one that's difficult to damage and doesn't give a damn about pain when furious, I think I would win. Unless she grabbed a weapon. If she has tried to key me, she may very well try to knife me. *shrugs* Even then, that twitchy-ness that she likes to make fun of actually makes me pretty damn fast, so if she cut me once she wouldn't get another chance.

Really, though, your mom, and you, have got to stop feeling bad for your sister. You're only enabling her when you let her get away with this crap. *sighs* This sounds kind of like the situation between Marc and his mom. Aunt Dawn is very manipulative, and even though she kicked Marc out of her home, she has absolutely no problem calling him up and asking him to clean the roof. Or guilt-tripping him into doing something for Brian, her six-year-old son. She talks trash about Jamie and and I, and Marc just puts up with all of it, because she's his mother and he feels that if he says a single word against her, he'll be a terrible son. Because they were poor throughout most of his childhood and his mom did her best to raise him. Reverse the situation, and doesn't it sound slightly familiar? I keep telling Marc that being loyal to your family does not mean stoically putting up with everything they say and do. In fact, in most circumstances, doing so is very unhealthy. How do you think I became so anxious that the mere thought of seeing my mom would make me feel so ill that I couldn't even eat properly? Or start shaking so badly that I injured myself that one day in art class? I became this way because I calmly endured all her negativity by holding it all inside, and the violence of my own suppressed negative energy began to shred me from the inside out. The same thing is happening to your mother, and it could happen to you as well if you let things continue the way they are.

And, not only is your mother's tolerance bad for her, but it is only making your sister worse. It's keeping her from improving. Your mom's behavior is encouraging her misguided viewpoints because, by acting as though she is the guilty party, she is casting her daughter into the role of the victim. And there is nothing good about being the victim. In fact, that is a terrible mind-set to exist in. It's crippling your sister, making her miserable, and causing her to lash out. In fact, coddling her like that is about as productive as trying to help an alcoholic by giving them the money they need to fuel their addiction. It is definitely not helping.

Once again, you have to stop feeling bad for her. I don't care how bad her life was. If she had walked out of some modern-day concentration camp, I wouldn't feel obliged to put up with her crap. And that doesn't mean that I'm not sympathetic to people who have had a rough life, because I am. I really am. I endlessly try to defend Marc, whose mental illnesses make him a difficult person to deal with, but I do not simper condolences and encourage him. Because it's bad for him. In fact, that was the very approach that Jamie took with him, and that's why their relationship is so bad right now. Marc needed genuine help, medication and counseling(usually I hate the idea of being medicated, but it does help some people and Marc has expressed wanting to be on anti-depressants before), and drowning him with sympathy only made things worse. Now he's self-righteous in his misery, and getting through to him is going to be difficult. But it has to be done, because that is the only way to make him better. So he has to hear things that he doesn't want to hear, and has to do things that he doesn't want to do(like move out, get some help, get a job, and become independent) so that he can get better. It's going to be a rough road for him, but he needs to walk it, because once he gets to the end of things will be so much better for him. He won't be so angry and miserable all the time anymore.

So, this has been a long, rambling answer, but what I'm basically trying to say is that your sister is in desperate need of some tough love. Your mother needs to realize that she did the best she could for her daughter (and I really believe this. It sounds like your dad was the bastard that mucked things up, not your mother. She just tried to do what she could to make things better. And yes, sometimes divorce is the bad option. Remember the what I told you about Grandma P's homelife? That is one example of two people that should have separated and lived independently if they'd had the means to do so. Seeing all that violence was not good for those kids. It's really weird referring to my grandma as such, but that was what she and her siblings were back then, so...*shrugs* you get the idea) and that right now she needs to draw a line in the sand and admonish your sister appropriately when she crosses it. A few well chosen, firmly delivered words of disapproval would probably do the trick. Screaming and further violence certainly wouldn't, but that's not what I'm implying. Your mom just needs to set her foot down. Your sister will probably rail against her for a while, but as time passes she should calm down, and then maybe you and your mom could talk her into seeing a counselor. Right now, you wouldn't have any success because she's too out-of-control, too sure she's right. But, if your mom begins to take control, to behave as the mother and not just the sympathetic friend, your sister will eventually begin to realize that maybe she isn't entirely right, and then you could get her some real help.

And yes, I would like to hear more about your past. I know it's hard to talk about, because I always end up hating myself just a little bit for a little while whenever I 'burden' you with my problems, but I recover when I see that you aren't angry with me for being a downer. And I still don't like to bring up events of from my early childhood, because I've suppressed those memories for so long that bringing them up is painful. But yeah, I do think that getting it out would be better for you, especially since I think it's bothering you now and venting would be good for you. Also, I think that you think I'm being uncharitable or harsh because I don't know the full story, so I want you tell me so that you'll trust me a bit more.

[Seven]

Ah, Asila, if it were only that simple! When I tell you my story, you'll see why such a thing is difficult! It is easy to say she needs tough love (which is the obvious answer) but actions are never as simple as words! There have been many times when even my mother tried to put her foot down, not just me, and each time it failed. True, my mother always tries to re-accept her out of guilt and the desire to help her. To her, how is she to turn down her own daughter, when her daughter comes asking for help and saying she has the desire to 'change?' I keep telling myself I don't believe in unconditional love, not for anyone, not even my own family, but that too is difficult to deal with. Furthermore, you cannot imagine the ability my sister has to keep us living in terror half the time. She is belligerent and manipulative, just like our father, and once angered she is a terrible person to cross paths with. She is the only person to have physically harmed me in my life, and memory of that alone instills fear in me. When she's angry, she say such terrible things, and she says them with such conviction you cannot but help to think she will follow through. She does have the psychotic trait in her that makes you think she's possible of any evil, that once she's wrapped up the moment she is heartless and thoughtless.

Forgive me, but I feel that I have to stop here, that I cannot go on.

[Asila]

All right, a little more background information on me. I lived with three belligerent, manipulative people while I was trapped, without one consistent ally, in South Beloit. Belligerent manipulative person number one, my mother, has tried to drag me to my room more times than I can count. She's caused me to lose my balance and fall into the corner of the coffee table, which left a nasty mark on even me, she was the one who tried to pin me by sitting directly over my lungs so that I couldn't even breathe well, she's punched me, tried to smack me(only failing because my quick reflexes came through for me and I blocked) and we've gotten into such physical skirmishes for years. The first one I can remember was when, as a scrawny small-for-my-age eleven-year-old, I rebelled against the whole undignified getting dragged to my room thing. I had been so angry, and so viscous by virtue of my anger, that she had to have my sister help restrain me. And I only weighed half what she did, because I was so skinny when I that young. As a matter of fact, I only stopped struggling when she bit me. Because then I was just staring at her in surprise. I think that was the first time I'd ever gotten bitten by a person. And yes, she was manipulative, because every time we went to a counselor she would, without fail, make me look like the bad guy. Or maybe those counselors just wanted to keep on her good side since she was the one supplying the money. Belligerent/Manipulative person number two. My sister. But I've already told you pretty much everything there is to tell. But she is more charasmatic than my mom and just as mean, having slammed me with the biggest sticks she could pick up when we were kids and she didn't get her way, and sawing at my arm with her keys when I wouldn't let her leave the house with my clothes. The only thing that saved me from her half the time is the fact that I am no push-over, and when pressed I will fight back. B/M number two was Ron, who was a grade-A asshole and had my grandparents fooled for months. For the longest time they even told me to be nice to him. But he kindly offered me use of his guns when I voiced suicidal thoughts, cornered me and told me I was messed up in the head, and, on one occasion when he was angry at me, ripped the phone I was talking on from my grasp, snapping it off the cord itself, and threw it across the room.

Sorry to get so intense, but yeah, I've faced your sister's type before. I grew up with them. I learned to fight them. I learned to distance myself from them as best I could, because that was the only way to survive. And I can pretty much identify their type on sight, because I've dealt with them for so long and my personal well-being depends on that ability. I can not afford to be fooled.

So yeah, I can imagine how your sister can keep you living in terror. But you have to be brave. You have to stand her down. And if I could stick to your side like glue and help you, I would. Because I'm pretty scary myself when I have the cause to be. I've learned intimidation tactics, how to put up a good front, how to look really cold and ruthless, because I would rather scare someone into backing down than actually fight. And I'm usually pretty damn good at it. The only problem is that my sister tends to ignore it, and that's probably your problem as well. So I can understand how, since your not as physically strong, it would be pretty much impossible to win a fight without becoming injured yourself. Especially with your back problems. It's a scary situation for you. And possibly scarier for your mother if she is alone in that house with one of her loser boyfriends. And if I know the type she'd choose to hang out with, and I'm not entirely sure I do, then if your mother did try to stand your sister down in a fight it could become a two-against-one scenario. And that is bad. That is really bad. And it has to stop.

I would do anything to fight this battle for you! Anything! I believe so strongly that I could. I think I could use physical intimidation tactics to persuade her to keep her violence to herself, and I think that I could choose the words necessary to get through to her, at least enough so that it would be possible to convince her to see a professional counselor. The two of you need a fighter in the family who is capable of stopping her when she becomes violent herself.

So I don't know what to tell you about the violence issue. That's a real mess. However, I do think that your mother needs to armor herself against her daughter, to stop allowing herself to be fooled. She knows by now how two-faced this girl is, so at this point, accepting her back when she pulls the whole "Mommy, I love you, I'll change my ways, I promise" is unproductive and harmful to them both. If she's going to let your sister back into the house, she needs to set down some ground rules. And if she breaks those ground rules, she needs to be kicked out. And if she comes back again, having no place else to stay, let her return, but keep the ground rules in place. And if she crosses a line that shouldn't be crossed, kick her out again. This way, your mother would still be their for her when she needed her, but she'd be taking a stand and actually making some progress, because your sister would learn not to push her luck so far.

And for the love of god, don't let her boyfriend live in the house! You are only empowering your psychotic sister by letting her have an enabler with her night and day who constantly supports her outrageous behavior! That just has to stop! Please, try to have your mom consult someone on how best to deal with this. Even if she knew me, she'd only blow me off as a kid who had no real educational background on this subject (I doubt she would count personal experience). She needs to see a professional.