I hate to say it part 2

[Rojo]

*Twitches*
If I have talent then you're a squirrel...a bushy-tailed squirrel...with boobs...and glasses...and oily thighs....and....and...TOO MUCH FURRY FRIDAY!!!

OAK DOESN'T COUNT!! He's only a one-shotter...geddit? Nevamind. But yeah, I'm even bad at RPing HIM. Seven? Bad at serious characters? NEVER! I see what you mean though...*scowls* yet more evidence of YOUR FAVOURITISM!!! *Bursts into tears* I don't even have a favourite of your characters, as I know so few...well, that's not true, but I know so few well. Hmmm, make a serious character random or make a random character serious...? IT'S JUST CRAZY ENOUGH TO NOT FAIL AND BURN! Hmm, I think my aspiration for RPing is to PERFECTLY, and I mean Mutha-fudging PEEEERFFEEEEEECTLY RP a silent-type psycho. Anyway, onto my hate of Werewolves/vampires. The problem I had when I first discovered RPing was that EVERYONE was either a Vampire or Werewolf, or an angel or demon, or a combination of all four. I put up with it for a while, but it just continuously got boring of "so-and-so crushes so-and-so with his demon/werewolf claws" so I made an undead guy (1st Edition Rojo, NOW IN STOCK!) to say "HEY, SCREW YOU GUYS! I'M NOT FOLLOWING THE GODDAMN CROWD!" But then again, the original Rojo worked for MI6 and had a sub-machine gun and a PhD in Psychology...but I'll tell you about that another time, if you want. (Damn, I'm really planning to tell you a lot in the future, huh?) And I just got bored of all the teenage angsty"I'm-in-love-in-a-vampire-way" crap and I left RPing alone for a year. Then, one day I got bored and went to find the old chatbox I used to RP in, but found it disabled...so I went off in search of a new place, and thus ended up here, on Foxflame, with you people...a character's growth and emotion are things I find people struggle with most, hell, even I do. In books/films/other media, people seem to get over very emotional events far to quickly, and after about a week are fine again. In RPing it's the same. This is something I'm trying to emphasise with Rojo constantly-- yes, a certain traumatic event happened to him a few years ago, and yes he's okay now, but he'll never TRULY get over it. I'm always trying to emphasise character growth too. After the events of one RP, you move onto the next right? But your character WILL carry the events of the previous RP with him/herself into the current one. A small niggling I have also is with clothing. Most characters never seem to have to changr clothes or use the loo or even eat during stories. And if they do it's not mentioned, which is fair enough since it may not be relevant, but it adds a human aspect to the character, which is so important to me. Emotion is SOOO important. I may be ranting a bit, but I can't emphasise how much effect emotion has on stuff. Now, for example, I have experimented with reading erotica, just to try (FanFiction Erotica, to specific) and the one thing that really annoys me is that the characters are always so Out-of-character. This happens in regular fanfic too, making the above statement obsolete and embaressing, but what the hell? It just really gets on my nerves when a writer completely goes against a character's morals and personality for the sheer purpose of getting it up. It just...really pisses me off, y'know?

To be honest, I really can't relate. I haven't had many problems with family in my lifetime. But now that you explain it, that's really really deep. I'm very...well...proud (in a friendly way) that you always keep her spirits up. It's true her artwork is brilliant, along with her literary mind, as is yours, and I honestly think the friendship you have is beautiful and awe-inspiring. Now I sound like Walt Disney on an acid trip...

[Seven]

But I am a squirrel. I'm SQUANDO!!! *dramatic flair* (I'll have to tell you about Squando someday...) Congratulations Rojo, you picked exactly the RIGHT animal to make verify your talent. Good job, you have mad skizzles.

*frowns* Hey! Leave one-shoters alone! I'll have you know that AJ (with Aka and I) started out as a one shot and now it spans around 400 pages of work! And no, you're not bad at rping him! Don't make me have to throw rocks at you!

Favoritism! Where!? Do you have a favorite character of mine, out of those that you know?

*bleh* I know what you mean about favorite types of characters. I admit, I have a lot of demon characters from old rps, but mainly because those old rps, Pan introduced Heaven into the story, so as a result, I had to bring Hell, and all of it's minions, in. Though i did try to get creative, by dividing the term 'demon' into 2 subcategories: Devils and actual demons. (I'll have to give you my rant about them later...) But I try to limit these popular types by inventing new ones. (Though I still do have characters from each type....) That's sort of why I wanted to make Venera--so I could have a fantasy rp that wouldn't have any of those things, just opposing factions. It's also why I've gotten into making human characters as of the late. It seems everyone hates humanity so much because it's so ordinary that they tend to forget all fantasy worlds have them. I mean, on ADS, out of some 30 rpers, I was the FIRST to actually play a human. In a world were magic is being usurped by humanity, of all things---isn't it sad that no one could take the time to make one real human? *shakes head* I was actually pretty pleased to find a sort of human/zombie comrade in Rojo. I admit, when you first joined FF and made Rojo be from another world, I felt really wary of you. I was afraid you'd use being from another world as an excuse to bring in angels and demons and vampires and elves and a whole slew of things that I was trying to get around when I made Venera. But I was pleased to find that Rojo was so refreshingly original. And I'd love to hear about Rojo 1.0 sometime.

I mean, I'm fine with love and everything, as long as it's realistic. I do tend to get sick of the "I'm in love with him because I'm in love with him!" cyclical thinking. On ADS, people literally fell 'in love' with characters after about a page of short dialogue, and for no particular reason. Everyone seems to overlook facts like, "Hmm, this guy is an a-hole who tried to kill me upon meeting me and then opted to rape me. I think I love him!" *dot eyes* That particular idea is just annoying. Granted, in the correct scenario, I suppose it is possible to turn a completely 180 as far as relationships go, but it would need more justification. And actual emotion. Emotion is really important, like you said. It plays into that little thing called "character growth." XD

And yeah, I used to read a lot of fanfiction (sometimes erotica) when I was younger. Until I realized that 98% of the stories I was reading were awful, poorly contrived, and made everyone out of character. And then I gave up on it.

*sighs* Yeah, I feel like I can relate to Asila because many of the emotions she's feeling right now are things I silently endured by myself not too long ago. Self-depreciation, anxiety, so on....That and I've had my handful of family issues as well, issues that are still going on today. Then one day (I'm not sure when), I woke up realizing I didn't have those feelings anymore, and that I understood myself, and that I was happy and grateful in general. It was sort of like being enlightened, is the best way to put it. And I felt like I was 98% invulnerable to everything, because all of my past concerns stopped concerning me. Even my issues with my family---I just let it all go. Everything mattered more, yet nothing really mattered. And I've been happy 98% of the time, even when I'm feeling stressed from work, or lonely here at my mostly friendless college. I suppose it's not so much being perpetually happy as it is being at peace. *grins* Though I know a great deal of my happiness derives from having such amazing friends like you and Asila! Now I just want to make you, both of you, and the rest of my friends, and loved ones, happy however I can. And my only real frustration is when I can't. *ADMIT YOU HAVE TALENT ALREADY GOD-DAMNIT!!!* Thank you for your kind words, it's really beautiful what you said, *grins*, even if it is a little Walt-Disney-on-an-acid-trip-ish. And I'm proud to have you as a friend as well *now I'm feeling cheesy*, so thank you.

[Asila]

Aw, I got your message on the c-box, Rojo! But of all the people you could have chosen to admire, why would you pick me? I’m such a mess! Though I guess I have had a few friends tell me in the past that they admired me, but I thought they were delusional, and I...didn't...take them seriously...*trails off* Dear god. I’m like a freakin’ crack addict over here. There doesn't seem to be a force on the face of the earth that can stop me from disliking myself once I get started. Except, perhaps, the occasional compliment from people that I admire.

But I didn’t barge into this thread to mock myself. I just wanted to say that I'm really flattered and inspired, and if the two of you keep this up, I'm going to start thinking that I'm not a terrible person. And then hell will freeze over, and the four horsemen of the apocalypse will show up, (and my mother's husbands brain will implode *cheerful smile*) and the world as we know it will end! Or maybe just the world as I know it? Hmm...*wonders if that would be such a bad thing, after all*

All right, I think I've sufficiently recovered from my shock. At least enough that I can stop being spastic and start being serious. And the first thing I am going to say is that it is not your fault that I stopped posting in our threads, Rojo. The truth is that I just couldn't decide on what to do next. And that would be a result of my tendency to hate everything that I do and is not a result of my not liking your characters or your posts. In a few cases, I just started hating my characters. I didn't think they were clever enough, or original enough. Or perhaps I just got bored with them. Tallamous Evening is an example of the former reason, Celitala is an example of the last. As far as Celitala's concerned, I severely underestimated how deeply ingrained my hatred of religion is( I thought a priestess would be so cool but I just couldn't adopt the mentality for the life of me! I can't believe in anything, so how can I possibly rp a character that does? I just can't understand her!). As for Evening, well, I ended up thinking she was a terrible character and couldn't get the idea out of my head. I did try once to post again in Small Glade, but I ended up getting frustrated and deleting the short paragraph that I had managed to finish. And then I felt too agitated and stressed to try again. And I started wondering why the two of you put up with her at all since she was spastic and eccentric and must be a pain in the ass. And I'm not going to go on, because it would never end. My thoughts are such jerks!

As for the other threads that I abandoned, well, I just couldn't decide on what I was going to do next. I really loved our pirate thread, Rojo. My posts wouldn't have gotten so long, and I wouldn't have posted multiple times in one day if I didn't. But I got stuck. I couldn't figure out exactly what to have my characters do next. Astra was the main problem, because I didn't worry quite so much about the 'minor' characters, but I think I thought of at least three different ways I could direct the thread through her. And I couldn't figure out which action she would most likely take. Of course, this isn't unusual, because people are complicated beings and could react in more than one way to an event while still acting in character, but I just couldn't pick one reaction and stick with it. I thought about it for a few days, and then I wound up getting distracted by my new friendship with my cousin's girlfriend. I began to spend a lot of time with her, and I'm so easily distracted that I just couldn't focus while I was in her company. So days turned into weeks, and my focus just didn't return. In fact, my mind took off on quite a few different random tangents, chased down a few fleeting insights, and my thoughts were just in a turmoil at the end of summer, some of which I expressed in my "What I did while I was at summer camp" post on the absences and arrivals board.
Then there is Unholy Purification. Once again, I couldn't decide on exactly what I was going to do in my next post. It was tricky, because I would have to sum up what we did during the weeks between the last post in Chicago and Seven's and my arrival in Virginia. I wouldn't have to write much, I'm sure a modest paragraph would have been acceptable, but I just didn't know where to start. I wind up in trouble like this all the time! I do the same thing with the essays that I occasionally fail to hand in. I get overwhelmed, and frustrated, and I give up. But I've been thinking about this thread, as well as many of the others, throughout the months. I just needed the motivation to start writing again. And I think I have it now. (I am so vain. Or easily swayed by flattery of all sorts? *can't decide which explanation is better*)
As for Chibi rp, I was having trouble trying to decide on exactly how I was going to go about writing Molly's traumatizing memory. I didn't want to be cliche, but sometimes I just don't know what witty and original is. Almost nothing I write ever seems witty and original to me.
The Swapped Bodies thread. I'm just stupid. I tried to think too far ahead (I tend try and think well beyond the next post and I always have problems when I draw up blanks) and I didn't know what we were going to do once our characters got over their shock and denial. So, feeling at loss for the future, I was struggling to post in the present. (And the annoying thing is that I only recognize the nature of these problems weeks later, so I can't ask the two of you for help because I don't know what my problem is. And by the time I figure it out, I feel so guilt-ridden for the delays that I don't want to bring it up and risk facing your wrath. *blinks* That sounds incredibly stupid in writing. *sighs*)
Unexplained Yorl RP. Once again, I was having problems with the fact that I had no idea what was going to happen in the future and didn't really understand the world. Which shouldn't have been a problem, since Evening would feel the same, but I kept thinking that I had to be clever and original and I just couldn't think of anything clever and original.
Mundane. Honestly, I think I just lost touch with Annwn for this one. She's the only character that I don't really have anything in common with. She's so detached from the world us mortals inhabit, which is something that I struggle to comprehend since I tend to care about so much with such intensity that my grandpa has reminded me on more than one occasion that I can't save the world. *grumbles* I still think that's no excuse not to try...

I do want to catch up on most of these threads, Rojo, so do me a favor and write me a list of the threads that are most important to you. If I can focus on only a couple of threads at a time while I work at catching up, I wouldn't feel so overwhelmed.

Well, I think that covered all the posts that I've seemed to abandon. And the reasons I've listed are going to crop up again, since I always seem to stumble into these psychological pitfalls that are scattered throughout my mind. So you shouldn't blame yourself, Rojo. I really struggle to do what I do, and I'm not always successful. But that's what tends to happen when you're a dysfunctional, scatter-brained individual who can be distracted by anything within the range of a huge family problem to a funny-shaped french fry. And I'm not even kidding about this last. My manager at that McDonalds thought I was an idiot. *scowls* I was only trying to be funny. My friends would have understood my peculiar sense of humor. *more discontented grumbling*

And now, I am going to flatter you to death, Rojo! Because you earned every compliment I've ever given you and every one I'm about to give you now. I wouldn't compliment you otherwise. I'm not a saint. Not even close.

You don't realize how incredibly talented you are. Do you realize that I didn't write my first story (beyond what was assigned by the occasional English teacher) until I was fourteen? And that was a terrible fan fic. Well, not quite, since the story was focused on a character that I created and not exclusively on the characters of the book I was emulating, but it was still an awful story. I kind of want to burn it, actually, but that would be a tad extreme. I drew my first person that year, too. (Fun fact. It was actually a group of three people whose characters were based off of the Dragon Ball Z story line, since I loved that show so much. To put it simply, they were kind of like Super Saiyan elementals. They were the first humanoid characters I had ever invented that I didn't base directly off of myself) I tried to show my friend, Andrea, who was the artist who had inspired me. I never would have dreamed of being an artist if it weren't for her, but I envied her ability to illustrate on a flat piece of paper the incredible things she could see in her head, and I had wanted to teach myself that same skill. But my drawings were, well, bad, to say the least, and she didn't know what to say. I could see it in her eyes, hear it in the way she paused before she pointed out the one character out of the three that she liked the most and quickly changed the topic. I tore those pictures out and tossed them. I still have that notebook that I had used as a sketchbook that year, but those three pictures are long gone. I just couldn't stand to look at them.

So the point of those anecdotes was this. You are so talented, Rojo. Right now, you can write as well as I could at the age of seventeen, and draw better than I could at fourteen. And you have only just begun to draw. Your skill at writing surpasses that of someone four years older. The girl I once was. In fact, I was also so incredibly jealous of you when I found out that you were twelve, because I was never so talented at your age. And though I always hate referencing age, because I've had it used against me more often than I can count, it really does come into play. Well, not so much age as time passed. You haven't been writing for that long, Rojo. You have to give yourself a chance to improve. You don't just wake up one day and write as well as I apparently do now. And trust me, you don't want to be so dark. It's not that fun. I used to wish all the time that I could return to that time in my life when nothing mattered and everything seemed so simple, because the traumatizing shift that had changed everything felt as though it was the beginning of the end for me. I didn't know how I was going to make it. I felt as though everything I had been was slipping away from me, and the worlds I could generate with my mind were the only escape. Which is not the method for becoming a good writer that I would suggest. Most of the kids who wound up feeling as desolate and traumatized as I did wound up on some sort of path to a low-end job and drug abuse. I got lucky because I was so obnoxiously proud.

And I just won't shut up, will I? You'll have to forgive me for this. I have trouble explaining why I do what I do because I'm not always all that sure myself.

But to reiterate what I was trying to say all along, I love you, Rojo, just as I love Seven, and I never wanted you to think that what you wrote wasn't good enough. That just isn't true.