HOORAY!!!

[Asila]

Welcome back, Seven! I've missed you a ton! *tries very hard to resist squealing like a fangirl. Fails.* So much has happened! You wouldn't believe it! I've finally managed to pinpoint exactly what it was that has been bothering me over the past five years and I think I managed to laugh it all off in one night once I finally understood what it was! Thank god for my cousin's girlfriend!

*frowns for a second* Hmm, I am definately not a quick-learner.

*grins again* You should see the picture I drew of the original Evening and her demon nightmare, Xanthe! I'm so happy with it! If I could turn cartwheels without breaking things, my grandparents would have thought I was a spaz! I hadn't felt so great about a finished picture since I shaded in that sea serpent so successfully! Exept that this one isn't finished yet...

I'm beginning to feel as though everything that has fallen apart over the years is beginning to piece itself together. Or, more accurately, as though I'm gaining those things that I've always desired but never really had. And if I'm not careful, I'll become an optimist. *snorts, but continues to grin*

Ha! I sound like a sphinx! ;D

Oh, and Rojo, forgive me for my late replies. I've just recently claimed a few books that I've been so looking forward to reading and have been obsessively pouring over the pages until my eyes hurt. I'll try to get something done tonight and finish more tomorrow.

And Seven, don't forget to read through "A Small Glade Discussion". I had a few ideas...

[Seven]

Sorry for taking so long to respond to this, but as you might have guessed, I wasn't as "back" as I would have liked to have been.

Anyways, what was it that you managed to pinpoint and that your cousin's gf clarified for you? You sparked my curiousity, therefore you simply MUST explain yourself! But I am happy for you that your life is coming together, however that may be happening.

And I want to see your picture of Evening!!!! Post it!

And I finally read through small glade discussion thread.

[Asila]

Yeah, I figured it out, though I did have my paranoid moments where I wondered if I'd done something unforgivable and that you didn't want to talk to me again. Do you ever have those?

Anyway, I pretty much just got a chance to talk about everything that had been bothering me. I usually have problems doing that because I am convinced that no one wants to hear it, but Marc and I share enough common history and similar problems that it was easier to talk to him, and by extension Jamie (I am now closer to her than my cousin, though that process took me a few weeks since I am so damn nervous of people!) that I was finally able to get it all out. And the best thing was that it didn't even phase them since both of them had demented parents as well.

I ended up realizing that I was tearing myself apart over what I was going to do with my mother. My father is dead (not that my memories of him were all that great) and my mother has done some messed up things and isn't really worth talking to, not even worth knowing. She loved me when I was young, but only when she didn't have some other love interest in her life. When she found Ron, I was no longer so much her daughter as an abstract family ideal of one that I ended up failing to meet. And at the present she is trying to force me into a mold that I will not fit. I am not who she thinks I am (which is that perfect daughter ideal of hers that involves crooning over children, discussing Operah and Dr. Phil episodes, someone to try out beauty products with, and a wide array of other mundane activities that I never have and never will be interested in) and that she doesn't care in the least about who I am and what I've suffered because she couldn't take the time out of her perfect life to talk to me. She will not offer apologies to me, will not acknowledge the fact she made a mistake or two...or more, and gets angry at me during those moments when she is chewing me out because I don't call her often enough and I finally point something out just to remind her that she had done me greater injustices than I have ever done her. She tells me that she thinks she was just average as far as parents go, I tell her that since 60% of the families in America are dysfunctional 'average' is not something to strive for, and we basically don't see eye to eye and never will.

I told her once that there are huge problems between Ron and I (like the fact that we absolutely despise each other) and she told me that I could just come over when he was at work. Like a fugitive. And if she isn't willing to fix these problems, how can I? Ignoring them is not an option. There is just no way that we can have a functional mother-daughter relationship. I know, because I've been torturing myself over it for the past two years and nothing I've done has worked. I've been fighting this realization fiercely for a very long time, but at this point my mother is only my mother in the biological sense, and that just isn't enough. In the end, blood ties amount to very little. You have to have a connection as human beings.

So I haven't talked to my mother since June and may never talk to her again. The factory that Ron works at is shutting down in 2009 and they will probably move to Tennessee. And that will be that. She will no doubt whine for the next decade about how her daughters don't give a damn about her, and I will mourn for the rest of my life that things hadn't turned out differently between us, but if she isn't willing to love me for who I am and not wish me to be something I'm not, there's really nothing I can do.

Not a happy thought, but it's brought me a lot of inner peace. That struggle is over now, one less fight for me to exhaust myself trying to win. And I realize that while my mother and father are lost to me, I have grandparents who love me (my Grandma Powell, my mother's mother, told me the other day that I was her 'special girl'. She favors me over her thirteen other grandchildren and has even taken to hugging me before I leave after a visit, which is inspiring since my mother's side of the family is very reserved. My mother rarely hugged me, but that was just how it was.) My Grandpa Willing has always filled the void that my father left in my life, doing everything from taking me fishing, to carving pumpkins with my sister and I in October, to going with me when I bought my first car. My Grandma Willing tries really hard to understand me and my struggle with depression (which hasn't really been a problem lately) and tells me every once in a while that I'm a talented artist. I don't believe her yet, but I am beginning to believe that within only a few years I will be as good as I've always wanted to be. And I've begun to piece together the most remarkable network of friends. Between Mark, Jamie, and everyone in Chicago (meaning you and your friends, Seven!) I now have a group of friends that I share a lot of common ground with, something that I never really had even though I have always chosen loyal friends.

And so things aren't perfect, there is still some crap going down with the ever-psychotic Powell side of the family, but I'm doing all right. Things are still unstable and uncertain, but not so much as they have been, and I sense that everything is beginning to fall into place. I just have to be patient and avoid forcing certain issues (like getting another job) when I know that forcing myself to do things that I don't want to do ends badly for me. In the case of the job, I have now been without one all summer and I now want to work again, so that will turn out all right too. Honestly, why do I worry so much? *refuses to answer that* I really have a lot to be grateful for.

*stares at long post* Dear god, I write way too much. *grimaces*

As for the Evening picture, I'll pen it in tomorrow so that it will turn up when I scan it. I may take a while to actually color it in, so I won't wait until it's completely finished to show you. It's already been weeks since I have first drawn it and I haven't done a thing!

[Rojo]

...
Wow...and here I was wallowing in self-pity!
You are a very special and unique person, and like everyone else in my life, I do not remind you and the rest of the cast here on Foxflame of it. Thank you.

I could prehaps write a few paragraphs detailing my depression, but I realise there'd be no point seeing as they would seem almost miniscual in comaprison, and I'll just have to confide in someone very close who isn't my parents because they wouldn't understand and would probably be disgusted by certain "differences" I have and do not wish to tell them. Anyway, I think I may be done, carry on on with the Pleasantries and chit-chat.

[Seven]

Asila, you know I would never feel that way! I've been dying to see everyone on FF, but I just had no opportunity to come on. And then we were SUPPOSED to get an internet connection in mid August, but that got postponed as well. *sticks out tongue* Bleh.

It's sad to hear that things are so bad between your mother and you, but I'm glad you're still working through it. I know all about having to let people "go." On the bright side, I think once you've made the decision to let go and just let things be, life really does becomes easier. Like, you stop seeing them as often, and little by little you become detached from them, and apathetic to aything bad they say to you.

Anyways, I can't wait to see it. I started working on a Rojo/Devon/Evening picture yesterday. I'm doing it all on my new tablet *squeels* so I hope it turns out all right. If not, you can shoot me down.

((You know, I'm starting to think about making a depression/support-group board so we can all express ourselves whenever we need to without feeling bad about...anything really. Asila, you don't need to apologize for writing a lot, since it's all very good writing. And Rojo, don't feel intimidated if you want to say something as well. We're here for you.))

[The Late Nemesis]

Umm, welcome back I guess?

- The Late Nemesis

[Asila]

*grins* Sorry, Nemesis, but I crashed my own thread. *points at Seven* But I blame her for asking!

To Rojo: *hugs* Thank you for saying such nice things, but you really shouldn't feel as though your problems aren't important just because you think mine are worse. I used to do that to myself all the time! There is always someone who has it worse, but that doesn't make your unhappiness any less real.

To Seven: I know! I know! I just worry so much about doing something wrong. *frowns* I think I try too hard and worry too much. It's not good for me.

As for my mom, life has definitely been better without her.

And I really want to see your picture when you finish it, Seven! *sighs wistfully* I wish I had a drawing tablet, but I would probably absolutely hate the thing at first! It takes me a little while to adjust to new things. Still, I should probably get started at some point...

As for a depression/support board...that may be a good idea. I just try so hard to shut myself up half the time that I may try not to use it! (And I'll fail at the end. *rolls eyes*)

[Seven]

Yeah, I think a support board might be appropriate between you, Rojo, possibly Aka, and myself. Maybe it should just be called the rant board, to make it sound less....what's the word? So people won't feel as strange coming on it. And that way, you can just vent.

The tablet is REALLY difficult to get used to. And make smooth lines with. I usually feel like I need to go ove rmy lines twice to look good. (Thus the thing about the picture possibly not being that great...) But I'd like to show it to you guys, so just hold on for it.

[Asila]

*nods* A rant page really would be a good idea. You know us eccentrics, we've all gotten that way for a reason! ;D

Oh well, there are benefits. Here is the Evening/Xanthe picture. I think I'm going to title it "Behind You". The actual picture is a bit larger than my scanner, so her shoulders got cut off as did the right and left edge, but you get the idea.

[Seven]

Dios Mio! It's so cute! I love it! *hugs it and runs away with it* I love how they both look, the perspective, everything! I love Evening's really large almond shaped slanted eyes and tiny. but full lips. And Prince Xanthe's hair, eyes, and horn-like thingies. The under eye things are so nifty, like his eyes are bleeding of something. (I'm kind'a surprised that Evening wouldn't want to run off with a guy like that, hee hee ;D I know I might!) Are you going to color it?

And yes, I think i will make the rant board...

[Asila]

*grins* Xanthe is a hottie! You'll have to compete with me if you want to run away with him, though. He's kind of psychotic in a casually demented sort of way, though. The type of guy who could saw off your hand, smile pleasantly, and hold a one-sided conversation on how nice you looked this evening all at once.

You know, I don't even want to think about the fact that I base every character off of an aspect of my own personality. That's just messed up. You're way better off with Molly. He'll at least look angry while he dismembers you.

Still, being female, you just have to think you can change'em. That's what makes the dark ones so intriguing, the idea that maybe they'll love you so much that their behavior will be different when it pertains to you.

I am going to color it. It's already finished in my head, I just have to match my vision. The background, including the Demon Prince Xanthe, is going to be dark and shadowy with his fiery eyes glowing in the shadows. Evening's face is going to be lit well, as if she's holding a lantern, so her face will have more color. I'm hoping I can make her really pretty.

Oh, and the marks beneath Xanthe's eyes are going to be black, as if his eyes have scorched the skin around them.

I really hope I can pull it all off. I should be able too if I can just be patient and pay close attention to detail. I usually only mess up when I try to rush things.

[Seven]

Well, that's what's fun about playing Princes of Hell. They can be psychotic like that. I'll have to show you Daemon at some point. It was actually Pan who asked me to make a Prince of Hell character for a rp. (The idea was that her character was forced into an arranged marriage with him. And all of Daemon's past wives (all arranged as well) have died of a very traumatic, instanenous yet painful exploding "disease," as he would put it.) I have to thank Pan for telling me to make him, as he turned out to be one of my favorite characters, and I ended up developing a very intircate backstory for him.

As for Molly...well...he'll probably be very angrily dismembering me for trying to run off with Xanthe. Hehehehe I really don't know why it's so appealing to girls to have dark characters that would be different ONLY for YOU. But it seems most every girl does it. I actually feel ashamed of it. Like whenever I catch myself doing that, I feel myself being such a fangirl. I don't think guys do that. I think guys imagine the perfect girl just as they are, and DREAD the idea that they should change. Like they're expecting women to become more bitchy and controlling with time, whereas girls tihnk that guys will become more loving or something....

I don't know, maybe were not really expecting our guys to change. Maybe it's just that we expect to treat us well from the beginning. They can be jerks to whoever else they want to, but as their lover, we feel we ought to at least have their respect. (This arguement makes me feel a little less fangirly. Since fangirls lives rotate around writing themselves into fanfictions were the evil characters say somehting sappy like, "I'm not really bad, I just wanted to be loved." *shifty eyes* Only Erik, POTO, can get away with that.)

Anyways, I can't wait to see it colored, so get started and do a good job!

[Asila]

The situation between Pan's character and your Daemon sounds a lot like the story between Evening and Xanthe. Except Evening is smarter than all of us and wants nothing to do with her demon prince. I should learn from the Evening-faction of my mind.

Then again, if I'd loved my parents and had to endure a trauma that I associated with demons and the Prince that 'leads' them (she's in denial about the fact she was actually the one that called them into action) I wouldn't be all that eager to ride off into the sunset with him either. I can hold a grudge for an eternity and a half if I think I have reason too. It's a good thing that I'm reasonable and forgive far more than I condemn.

I would really like to see Daemon, though! We should find a way to have him show up on Dark Persuasion. Maybe I could have the original Evening and Xanthe show up as well and we could have a demon family reunion. *grins*

As for why the dark characters are so appealing...well, I know that I am just messed up enough that I would love the conflict. Well, deep down, anyway. I would be murderously angry with such a guy nearly all the time but glad that I had something to do (such as fight for my survival) and grateful that I had the energy to feel angry and was no longer moping about wishing that there was more to the world that I lived in. And maybe I would get lucky and he would fall in love with my bravery and stubborn refusal to cower before him, traits that make me different from anyone else he has ever had the opportunity to torment. And the moment I got over my fury (which could very well take weeks) we would live happily ever after. The end.

Yep, I'm nuts, but at least I'll admit it. ;D

[Seven]

It was sort of like that. Since Nef (Pan's character) and Daemon rps are a lot of fun, we've done a lot of alternate universe worlds where they meet under different circumstances. But in the original one, Nef, a warrior who was supposed to be inheriting the title of Overlord from her father, was given a mission from Lucy himself to be the body guard of Prince Daemon till he gets to a certain location. She can't understand it, as Daemon is one of the most powerful (more so than her) beings in hell (unlike the younger Princes who are just nobility without any warrior). And furthermore, she's just escorting him through another part of Hell, which should be insanely safe for a Prince of Hell. But nonetheless, they're being constantly attacked. Until she figures out he's trying to kill her indirectly (as his father forbade him from killing her, and he was trying for a loop hole). Of course, Nef is pissed, and anxious to finish her job and get out of there (before an assassin succeeds ), though she does wonder about why the Prince of Hell is trying to kill her and why Lucy ordere her to escort Daemon. When they arrive, she discovers that Lucy had ordained that Daemon and her are to be wed. And the reason why he wants them to be wed is because he's curious as to what sort of offspring would come from his genetics, and Nef's unusal genetics (another long story for another day...)

And of course, neither one of them are happy about this. ;D


I would be realy happy to let Xanthe and Daemon meet. Though Daemon doesn't like any of his brothers.
...You see, amongst my home friends, I was pretty much the only one doing the demons and the real evil people. So...I sort of got to create Hell and all of it's ins and outs and history by myself. It was really fun! Like, at least in my version, there are only Princes of Hell, which there are thousands of (since Lucy has thousands of wives, all of whom refuse to have daughters. So if they should do anything as "disgraceful" as having a girl, they kill the daughter at birth.)

There's so much I could rant on about how I envisioned everything. But I feel it's getting long. Maybe someday I'll just call you up and tell you everything over the phone ;D

[Asila]

*grins* Feel free to call! I would have called you by now but I don't like calling people unless I have enough to say that I can hold an interesting conversation. *tends to over-think things*

And Daemon's background sounds really interesting! And I love the story as well. It's so creative!

I have an idea that would help us intertwine Daemon's and Xanthe's worlds. What if there were different layers of hell? Like Dante's inferno? Xanthe can come from a more traditional version and Daemon can come from his realm. Lucifer can have the ability to pass from one to another so be a part of every hell. In Xanthe's hell there are fewer Demon Princes, only somewhere around ten, and many lesser demons that look more like monsters than humans and range in terms of size, appearance, and power though none can match a Demon Prince. (I have yet to rp with Xanthe, so his background isn't nearly so intricate and fascinating)

Think the idea has potential?