Rules from a Male's Perspective

[The Late Nemesis]

We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side. Please note: these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE.

#1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

#1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

#1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

#1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think that way.

#1. Crying is blackmail.

#1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it! We'll get it for you, but just LET US KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!!!!

#1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on the calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

#1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

#1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. Please pick one.

#1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

#1. A headache that lasts for seventeen months is a problem. See a doctor.

#1. Let us know about that funny noise in your car engine as soon as you hear it.

#1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.

#1. If you won't dress like the Hollyoakes girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

#1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer, but still love you.

#1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

#1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

#1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

#1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

#1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what Mauve is.

#1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

#1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

#1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

#1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

#1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really, you look fine!!!

#1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

#1. FORMULA 1 is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

#1. I AM in shape. ROUND is a shape.

(Taken from Avolites Online)

- Nemesis

[Asila]

Hmm, fascinating...*scans through rules with an eerie, piercing gaze, comparing and contrasting them with self's own perceptions and lessons gleaned from the class in intercultural communication*

I have heard so often that women are more emotional and tend to find ways to elaborately react to an issue, whereas men prefer the straightforward method of simply solving the problem. If only I could argue with that! You know I really want to. *grumbles* I hate being called out. *grins*

Though I like to think that there are those of us out there who aren't perpetrators of every rule! Dear god, if every female behaves in such a way, it's no small wonder that we can't stand each other!

Now, to analyze specific rules. (You couldn't have posted this without expecting input of some kind!)

The toilet seat argument. I can't believe how many people turn this into an issue. I'm happy as long as my grandfather shuts the bathroom door. *shakes head* So many awkward situations. The man also needs to knock.

The topic of thoughts and sports. Sheesh! Everyone needs their space and days off. I can't tell you how often I've ended a relationship because I felt smothered. I can't spend every freakin' moment of every day speaking with the same person. Some of us enjoy a few hours in which our thoughts may be left to ponder alternate interests. As for sports, I know that everyone has something that they look forward to on a weekly basis that they would rather continue. This pair of rules can go both ways.

Shopping. Nothing is more dull than being dragged through a store that holds merchandise of absolutely no interest to you. Honestly, people can be so dense when it comes to the comfort of others! I sympathize with any male who has to put up with that. I'd probably start smashing my face into a wall...or imagining creatures and places that don't exist in this world. *grins*

Crying is blackmail. Oh yeah. That's how my mom wins every argument against me. It's impossible to prevail in a debate when your opponent starts sobbing! Jeez, I'll give in to, or say, anything to make such people stop. *sighs* And don't get me started on my sister. Tears have been used against me so often that I definitely sympathize with the guys on this one.

Subtlety of any sort. Even us mind-readers can't guess it all! People give off so many conflicting signals. It's just confusing. Though I have to admit that I am often guilty of this one. *takes notes* Must be more blunt in the future...*grins* Someday, I will rule the world with my superior understanding of the human psyche! *diabolical laughter*

Specific dates. Sorry, can't represent my gender on this one. I don't even know what day of the week it is half the time. *shakes head sadly* I didn't even know until I started dating people that Valentine's day was in February. I was under the perception that it was in January. I don't know why. I just never thought about it. Perhaps my brain short-circuits when confronted by too much pink and too many cutesy hearts. It doesn't take much.

Funny noises in the car engine. My poor car...

Fashion. Uh...*mind short-circuits*

Self perception. Any girl who's concerned about their weight should stroll through the Renaissance section of the nearest art museum. It's good for self-esteem.

Directions. If we're anxious, I blame gas prices. Three dollars and sixty cents a gallon will stifle anyone's sense of adventure. *nods*

*scans through rules once more* Well, it seems I've commented on all that I had an opinion on. Now I must be off to go rant at someone else! *disappears*